"Hello. Um...allow me to introduce myself. The name's Resetti. Mr. Resetti. Have we...met before? At the...post office, perhaps? Yeah, whatever.
Anyway, let me just say thanks for checking out this Nosh. Um...on behalf of Lincoln, I...um...I... What was the next part? Huh? Aw, forget it! That's enough! Let's get down to business, whatdaya say? Because you may not know it, but you and I got issues to discuss.
First, let me tell you what it is I'm doin' here. Just so there are no misunderstandings later on. You, my friend, clicked on this Nosh, didn't you? Huh? Maybe by accident, maybe on purpose, but you clicked it. Or maybe you didn't, huh? Maybe you just went and clicked at random. Sound familiar? What? Sorry, what was that? I didn't catch that last bit. Did you just say I'm right? You did what I said you did? Ah-HAH!
All right, you listen good, 'cause I get real angry when I gotta repeat stuff I gotta say. Cereal... It's like... Pressing an emergency call button. Lincoln Noshes it and I gotta come read you the riot act. See? Also, he eats it a lot, and all kinds of different types. If he doesn't eat it, it's like the same thing as not breathing underwater. If you catch my drift. Well, okay, that last part? I just added that. Why? Because I wanted to.
Forget about the other foods for a minute, will ya? I'm here to suggest you eat cereal—this cereal—and Nosh it. Got it? I know what you're thinking: 'Whether I eat cereal or not should be up to me. After all, it's my body!' Well, sorry. Rules are rules, okay? Know what I'm sayin'? Let's not make a big deal out of this. End of discussion.
This bein' out first meeting, I'm going to let you off easy. Think of this as a friendly warning from me to you.
Oh, one more thing. This is my job. I take it 'cerealously'. So next time you see me, it's no more Mr. Nice Mole.
Oh, yeah, and another thing I guess I gotta say here... I really watched my...language...here today. I'm not usually quite so...you know, so polite. If I'm bein' truthful here, I gotta tell you... I been told I got what you call an acid tongue. I sorta...scare people. Hey, that's...who I am. Nothin' I can do about it. What, I'm supposed to say sorry for bein' me? Look, it's nothing personal. I ain't tryin' to be mean or cruel or nothin'. I ain't a monster. For those people who get their feelin's bruised easily, I gotta apologize in advance. Just deal with it, okay? The deal is, I get paid to be nasty. Crazy world, huh? Ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Well, I figure it's about time for me to get outta here. So, uh... Yeah. Here's hoping Lincoln doesn't eat any more cereal and I don't have to come see you no more. Now... SCRAM!"
Spaghetti with tomato sauce, basil, summer sausage, and a dash of Sweet Baby Ray's Barbecue sauce. The perfect midnight dinner. Also, this is by no means cereal, but I do put the two in the same types of bowls. So, there's that.
